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The Different Rules Of Success For Men And Women
We’ve got a fun episode. As a lover of people and someone who loves to understand someone else’s experience so that I can understand my own even better, this episode is right up my alley and I hope it’s up yours too. We’re going to talk about the differences between being a woman and being a man in the world of entrepreneurship. We don’t have the same experiences and you must have noticed this big movement of women entrepreneurs working exclusively with women entrepreneurs. There are also these movements of men working exclusively with men. We are realizing that there are these gorgeous differences that allow us to also then come together and form these amazing unions that we weren’t able to form earlier. We assumed that all people are all people and loving people means that we know they’re all exactly the same and there are no differences. That’s not true. We’re going to get into that now and have this beautiful exploration of what it means to be a man and what it means to be a woman in this space.
What Dan and I can book on is take different perspectives and we’ll have more of a conversation on this side. Let’s touch on this piece for the women out there. Dan, I’d love to get your perspective as a man and if there’s a relation in it. For women, especially if you’re not on birth control anymore and maybe you’re off of it or you’ve never been on it, you have a consistent period. Every month, you have to recognize that your body is hormonally going through different phases and shifts. This is something that I’ve had to learn, especially after developing the adrenal fatigue and after losing my period from all the intense dieting and training from bikini competitions. Also, the stress of running a business and supporting multiple clients.
You need to honor your period. You need to honor your feminine flow. You need to become aware of when you’re going through these different phases in your cycle and how you need to be operating inside of your business. More importantly, taking care of you during each phase. What that looks like when you’re in the midst of your period, that is when you need to be slowing down and going internal. That is when you need to be taking care, honoring, loving you and resting. You need to not be hassling during that timeframe. If you are somebody who is not currently giving yourself the spaciousness to become cognizant of this and you’re pushing and you’re forcing, what you’ll probably experience is you’re going to start burning yourself out because you’re not nurturing you. Recognizing that, you schedule that time into your calendar. You build your business around it and then you look at it like, “Great.”
The next phase that comes after that is this beautiful phase where you are in your flow. You are ready to communicate and have conversations, get out and have this incredible energy. That’s the time that you should be looking at building, interacting, growing and cultivating newness. From there, you start to move into another phase where it’s more so around, “Time to implement. Time to execute. Time to strategically take action.” As you’re starting to see for the women reading this and for the men who work with women, it’s important that you tune into your body because you can’t outsmart your body. Being able to work with your body, respect it, honor it, and loving it will allow you to be much more productive in your business versus you trying to force yourself to work hard when you’re feeling you don’t want to do a damn thing. Getting frustrated with yourself and feeling even more restlessness and even more exhausted because you haven’t been nurturing yourself. You’re even in more of a state of deprivation and more in a state of lack and frustration and less have even gotten that.
From a man’s perspective here, this is a general rule. Being aware of this makes it even more important if you’re working with female clients. It’s to be in tune, to pay attention to the human being in front of you. Tap in and be open and feel what they’re feeling so that you can work with them in a way that’s not just good for you, but it’s also good for them. Know they’re going to have these cycles and these phases. As long as you make it safe and comfortable to communicate these things between you, you can have an even better relationship with serving your female clients. Make them feel comfortable with you as a man.
From my experience, it’s not the easiest or the most comfortable thing for a woman to admit like, “I’m going through this right now. This is how I’m feeling.” Sometimes female clients working with a male coach or male entrepreneur can feel they need to meet the male energy. It’s making their own energy and what they’re feeling and what their bodies are going through wrong or incorrect or seeing it as a barrier or an obstacle, but it’s not. As a man, we must be sensitive to that and create a safe space where it’s okay to communicate these things. If they need something from us, if we can support them in some way that they feel comfortable asking for it and letting us know that we need them to train us, that we can know and that we can be even better for them. It takes a lot of sensitivity on our part to make that work.
It is a dance and for a lot of women, with myself included in this, it’s learning how to lean into your femininity. That doesn’t mean you being this weak and super emotional person. It means you honoring what’s present for you and you owning it shamelessly and without guilt. It’s okay to take care of you. The stigma that oftentimes comes up for many women is there’s this shame around being fully seen and fully seeing yourself. We have this elusive idea that we need to go and hustle and do all of these things and we try to portray a certain image of who we should be versus honoring ourselves in our divinity. What that means is you being able to freely express with whatever level of comfort you have with your emotions. What’s present for you? Being able to feel into those and let those empower you versus feeling like it’s hindering you. The more you can tune into your body, the more that you can get present with, “This is what I’m feeling. This is what’s present. This is what’s there. How is this serving me?” and the more that you can utilize that and that gift of expression to expand your ability of influence and your ability to grow and scale your business.Tune in to your body because you can't outsmart your body. Click To Tweet
If the terms divine masculine and divine feminine are new to you or if you want to brush up on it, it’s Episode 31 where we have a dedicated episode to these concepts. Go back and check those out. It is important for you to embrace the dual sides of who you are because there are few people if there are any people in the world who are purely only feminine and purely only masculine. More commonly, we have a blend. In order to truly honor yourself, you must honor both parts. You don’t have to be masculine as a woman in order to succeed in business. That’s the 1970s and 1980s mentality of women trying to look like men in the business. Stop that. Knock that off. Be a woman. Be feminine. Be awesome. Love yourself in there because it sets up a gorgeous polarity.
Polarity is important within us and between people. The more a feminine woman allows herself to be feminine. First of all, if that’s you then you’re going to magnetize other women because you are who you are. You get to show up as who you are without excusing yourself for making any stories about why. You’re allowed to be feminine. That’s a beautiful part of who you are. If you want to succeed in business then you must accept who you are in your entirety. You must love and get to play with and express all of who you are. There will be some masculine energy in that too. As a man, I love it when I see a feminine woman honoring her femininity and then dropping in a little bit of masculinity everyone once in a while. It’s sexy. It’s incredible. It’s powerful. It’s alluring.
It is magnetic and these are all amazing things for the business. You get to be fully you and embrace who you are. We get to do the same things too. Long gone are the days like, “Boys don’t cry. Men don’t show emotions. Men don’t have femininity, this macho shit.” Knock that stuff off. You are not macho. You are a well-rounded individual. You are a beautiful creature. You have so much more than testosterone running through your brain.
It’s also a beautiful thing. It’s a real sign of strength for a masculine man to show these bits of femininity. Nurturing energies, creative and sensual energies. It’s not necessarily sexual but sensual, embracing all of the senses and getting into the body and feeling a full range of emotions and all of these things. It’s important. Also, the same thing happens. As a guy, when you allow yourself to do this, you become magnetic to other men. Sophie, you can tell me, you’d become more attractive to women or other men. Whoever you’re attracting, you become more attractive. That’s all good. All love is wonderful. You become more attractive to your audience, whether it’s a business or love. It’s amazing because then no part of you has to be wrong. You get to express all of you and enjoy all of you and show all of you. First of all, it makes it more fun. It makes it way more fun to do things. You’ll have a greater defense to things like adrenal fatigue because constantly fighting yourself and resisting yourself takes a lot of energy. Things flow even more and you get even better results.
This is a big thing that I would love to tune into in having that balance between your feminine, your masculine. It’s important because if you’re only always operating in your feminine, things are never going to get done. If you’re only operating in your masculine, then you’re almost missing this piece of you that needs that nurturing and that softness and that vulnerability. It’s important that you give yourself permission, either as a man or as a woman, to cultivate more of the other. To step into if you are a feminine woman, implementing more of that masculine strategy and more of that masculine structure, that will empower you to live more in your feminine flow and to do it with much more spaciousness and ease. If you are a masculine man, it’s to be able to have more feminine flow in your life to where you allow yourself to more transparently express and feel what’s present for you and be in what’s there. Nurture yourself and give yourself permission to take a break, to rest, to recover, to love on you and know that that’s okay. In doing this on both ends will amplify and increase your ability to get to where you want to grow to the inside of your life and your business because you’re nurturing all of you.
When we’re talking about femininity here, it is important to know that expressing your femininity does not only mean expressing your sexiness or posting pictures of you in a bikini or whatever. That does not equate to expressing your femininity. It is not a requirement for being a strong feminine leader. As a man, I like to think of myself as being fairly more evolved than a lot of the guys out there. You post a picture of yourself in a bikini. You might get a lot of likes. Certainly, first of all, they won’t convert because they’re not trying to buy from you. Let’s be clear on that. Also for me, it turns me off. I love a beautiful woman, especially when I’m looking for a thought leader, a coach, someone I want to learn and work with. Someone who I might want to emulate or someone I want to work as a colleague. If all I see is you’re trying to be sexy, to put it bluntly, you become stupid in my mind. That’s what I see. Honestly, I’m letting you know. If that’s all you put out there is, “Look at my body,” I forget that you have a mind. That’s all I’m seeing. It’s all you’re showing me.
Show me something else. Show me that you’re beautiful. I love that as one facet of who you are. Show me your creativity. Show me you’re spunkiness, your weirdness. Show me your quirks. Show me your sense of humor. Show me your brilliance. Show me your problem-solving ability. Show me your uniqueness. Show me the struggles that you’ve overcome. Show me all these different dimensions and then you’re also sexy. Now, you’re something totally different. Now, I see you as someone who is this multidimensional beautiful creature with depth and that is alluring. I’m speaking from a man’s perspective because if you want to work with knuckle dragon Neanderthals who are out there looking at tits, awesome. Show them tits and then don’t be upset when your business tanks. If you want to work with high-quality guys who appreciate you and honor you and respect you and love you, show us more than that.Constantly fighting yourself and resisting yourself takes a lot of energy. Click To Tweet
I love what you’re tapping into here. I want to add in some perspective as well. It’s feeling like it’s that embodiment piece. It’s embodying all of you and your business. I feel for a lot of women, there’s almost this sense of fear or shame or guilt around being able to fully express all that they are. On the polar end of this is that a lot of women will only express professionalism in them. They will only ever show their most perfected, most social media perfect part and they don’t allow themselves to be transparent or in their vulnerability. That doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to be showing yourself when you’re having a mental and emotional breakdown. It’s giving yourself permission to be human and to connect with your audience on more than the one level of, “I run a business.”
For a lot of the women that I personally work with, especially for those who are coming from more corporate backgrounds or from those who have had success doing all the systems and the structure. They come in and they’re burnt out and they’re feeling they’re not able to fully express themselves or the clients that they’re connecting with aren’t in alignment with who they are in the world. When we do the reflection work on this, what we oftentimes find is that they’re not fully expressing the depth of who they are. On both ends of this, it’s you embodying who you are in your business, all of you. The quirkiness, the fun-loving, the free spirit, the parts of you that are deep, the parts of you that have depth and this is how you become that whole divine human being inside of your business.
You connect with an audience that sees you fully, that connects with you on more than one level. What this does, going into a little bit of marketing here, but I want to express this for the men and for the women. You showing different aspects of your being and of your essence is what allow you to create multiple connection points with your audience. If they don’t resonate with you on one perspective, they can resonate with you on another. You share all of these different aspects of yourself and your life and your beliefs and your philosophies and how you operate in the world. It’s what allows you to connect with many different individuals from many different perspectives and have much more opportunity to let people get to know you.
Guys, the same goes for us. We have a range. If all you do is show up and you show people how much money you make or your success and you think that that’s the value you bring to the world, then that’s all you’re going to be used for and you will be used. It’s true because you’re a machine at that point. We’re much more than that. We’re evolved creatures. We have much more going on. We have a full range of emotions and all of them are safe to feel and safe to express. We are allowed to cry. It’s a sign of strength to be able to feel what you feel. We’re allowed to talk about how hard things are for us sometimes. We’re allowed to talk about the struggles that we’ve come from. We have a softer side. We have a harder side. Show that. Let people see all of you, not just the suit and the watch and the tie because that shit is boring. If all you’re doing is taking pictures of you next to nice cars or expensive shit, shut your entire social media down. Stop it. That is the equivalent of a woman just showing pictures of her in a bikini. Unless you’re a model and that’s what you do, don’t do that.
Be much more dimensional than that. Show us that you’ve got a heart. Show us that you’ve got a sense of humor. Shows us you don’t take yourself so seriously. We can do that. We can have testosterone take over and all of a sudden become serious, “Must achieve. It’s all about money in the bank.” Essentially, you become a shitty rap song where all the messages that you put out are like, “Money, hoes, bitches, drugs and nice cars.” There’s so much more in you than that. Don’t fall into that nonsense. Show people who you are. Let them into your heart. You’ve got so much magic in you that is so much more than what you do for a living and how much money do you make.
Your value is not how successful you are. It simply isn’t. Your value is so much more than that and you’re allowed to show it. When you do, the exact same thing will happen for you like the women. You’re going to be able to speak with a beautiful wide variety of people who will all connect with you, who will see your value, who will want to get to know you even more. Who will follow you, who will connect with you, who will love you. How you build a real business by fully embracing everything. There is no such thing as, “Men can’t do that,” anymore. As long as you cause no suffering to people, as long as you respect everyone then you’re allowed to feel what you feel and do what you do. You’re allowed to be who you are. Let us see it.
I want to bring this in here and touch back on this piece of being a strong feminine leader and/or being a strong leader in general and what that means on both ends. For a lot of what I’ve seen in Dan, I’m sure you’ve probably seen this too. There seems to be this elusive idea that you’d have to come with this intensity and this ferocity and this sense of having to constantly be on and coming from this intense energy. Although that may be some people’s natural cadence, it’s not everybody’s. If that’s not yours, that’s okay. I want you to understand that it is possible for you to be this incredibly powerful person and have a soft, grounded presence either as a man or as a woman.Expressing your femininity does not only mean expressing your sexiness. Click To Tweet
In fact, if that is your natural rhythm, if your rhythm is to be softer, gentler, more present, slower, more grounded, that’s okay. Personally, I am so much more attracted to and magnetized by somebody who can hold space from a place of groundedness than I am by somebody who feels the need to be more abrasive and blunter. I don’t resonate with that. I don’t feel safe with that. The reflection I’d love to offer to each of you is to give yourself permission to honor your natural rhythm, your natural cadence. If your energy is one of being more grounded, embrace that. There’s beauty in that. You don’t need to change your cadence to try and be what you think you need to be because this is what so and so is doing and they’re successful at what they do. That may be their natural rhythm. It doesn’t mean it needs to be yours.
It goes back to fully appreciating you and understanding that you’ve got your own magic. You’ve got your own way of communicating. I personally bounce around. I can get intense and I can get blunt and then flip back into the softer and more grounded. I like experiencing the range of my own emotions and that’s my way. My clients love me for that. They love that energy. That’s why they’re my clients. That’s why they’re not Sophie’s clients. That’s why Sophie’s clients are not my clients, but that’s a gorgeous thing. That’s a beautiful thing. You want to become a little polarizing. What that means is that the people who aren’t your people stay clear they don’t waste your time and you don’t waste theirs. The people who are your people will love you.
When you truly embrace who you are, feminine, masculine, both inside of you, then you get to do that. It’s a gorgeous thing. It’s an interesting thing when we’re talking about being assertive and being blunt or using that energy of yours. Women have a different experience of this. Guys, when we are a little bit too much in that assertiveness, a little bit too much in that bluntness, we become dicks. We become assholes. It’s because we’re too far out of the feminine. We lose all of our softness. We become blunt instruments of success ready and willing to do or say anything in order to get there.
First of all, it gets old real fast. It gets exhausting fast, both for you and the people watching you or listening to you. The energy feels shitty. It’s one-dimensional. If you won’t even watch a one-dimensional TV show or a TV show with one-dimensional characters, why would you ever think that you can get away with being mad as a coach or as an entrepreneur? It’s not going to work. Allow yourself as a man to get soft and to be even more grounded, earthy, loving and nurturing. When it feels totally natural and organic, step it up. Hulk out. Rage a little bit. Have fun with it. It’s beautiful energy. Testosterone is one of the coolest drugs in the world. Like anything else, if you overdo it, it becomes a trap.
The other topic we would love to address here is this aspect of community building. I will speak for the women that I work with because I do predominantly only work with women at this point. There are very rare men that I’ll take on unless they embody more of that feminine energy because that’s more of my natural cadence. For the women, it is this part of building your community around your natural energy, around your national presence and tying this back into the fact that you honoring your truth. You honoring who you are, who you be in the world, and expressing that with transparency in your content and your marketing is what allows you to cultivate a community that resonates deeply with that part of you. I would say the perspective that I would take on this and look at the different ways that people operate is when people start to build community and they’re not fully transparent. They’re trying to express something that isn’t necessarily fully who they are.
That’s what creates dissonance in your ability to build that community quickly. It’s understanding how you need to show up to connect with that audience. What that audience wants to feel, what they want to experience, and how to connect with them on a deeper level. I wouldn’t say that’s a man, woman thing. I would say it’s more so easier to connect through femininity. That feminine energy is a lot warmer. It’s a lot more welcoming. It’s how can we express and tap into that to bring more of that warm, welcoming energy in while still as a man still being able to have that masculine presence. That assertiveness or that sense of, “I’ve got this.” Confidence is the way I would say it. Knowing that you can have that while also holding space for people to where they feel like, “This is the person for me.”
It’s not about being a man or a woman because I’ve seen it in my view. From what I’ve seen, it’s easier for women to build communities than men. It’s not because they’re women, it’s not because they’re pretty, and it’s not because of any of that. Women are more comfortable in the feminine energy and the feminine energy is inviting and it is community building. Evolutionarily, the feminine energy is responsible for building communities. That’s what they did. The people who were feminine did that. The more masculine went off and broke things, hurt people, and killed stuff. When you combine these energies, it’s amazing. You use the feminine energy to keep the community together, to reinforce, to love, to support and nurture, to invite, to make it safe for people to join.Your essence is what allows you to create multiple connection points with your audience. Click To Tweet
The masculine energy can kick in when it’s time to mobilize. When it’s time to kick people into gear, when it’s time to get shit done, that’s the masculine energy. You flip back or you go back and forth. You can do this as a woman. You can do this as a man. It doesn’t matter. That’s one of the beautiful things about being able to embrace all of you and then use that to create a community that does love you and knows you and listens to you. You can do amazing things with it, but it doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman. It doesn’t matter what you look like. The energy that you present, that’s what counts.
For this episode, you’ve got a task as you do in every single episode. In this one, I want you to look at yourself. Look at who you are, masculine and feminine. The masculine traits within you, the divine masculine within you, the divine feminine within you and start seeing how you can express these even more in your business. How you can use them to expand your business, serve your clients even better, or enjoy what you do even more. When you put it down on paper and you start seeing every single one of these things as a benefit, as strength, then you’ll be able to fully express even more of you even more. That’s going to make the whole process feel even juicier and amazing and you might even get some more clients out of it.
Take some time to soften or harden whatever’s present for you and share with us. Let us know what’s tuning in your worlds. Thank you so much for taking the time to listen and we’ll see you all on the next episode.
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